1. |
Ice Jams the Flood
02:52
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Bones snap inside your frail body as you writhe in shameless self pity, so you lay yourself back down, naked body on the frozen ground, blank figure limp against the snow. As sweat freezes on your cheek, you weakly start to speak: “My bones will always freeze, and rot beneath the waterline alone.” I am a riverbed and soon will come the flood. Your bones are dry and dead and covered in my blood. I am a river-stone, smooth and small and washed-awake. Your mind is rotting at the bottom of this muddy lake, and I will watch you drown.
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2. |
Damp Leaves
01:08
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Find me sleeping under damp leaves on a fall morning.
Mist will condense and freeze in sheets against my skin.
You will uncover my frozen body
and carry me to the nearest emergency room.
The ice against skin will melt in your hands.
The medics will tell you I am colder inside than out,
that I have surrendered my body to freeze with the leaves
and hibernate under layers of snow and ice
and decompose with the plant matter.
We all know that awareness is suffering,
the source of pain and joy,
and we suffer to keep ourselves moving,
to keep our bodies warm,
but if you should know one thing,
just one thing,
know our suffering will end in comfort.
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3. |
Ice Melts the Heart
00:51
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She’s already dead, she’s already bled. She’s internalized the
shame, no longer feeling pain, with nothing left to blame.
As winter melts into spring, my heart is rotting out.
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4. |
Buried Alone (seed)
05:21
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Yesterday morning it started to snow and it snowed throughout the night and all this morning and it is still snowing and I don’t think it will stop at any point soon. I want to lay in it and watch each flake fall onto my body until I am buried. I want to be consumed by snow. This morning I dreamt I was lost in the desert and the only thing that kept me going were memories of home, memories of naps on cold afternoons or pad thai and red wine in my bed. Alone, your hollow bones will hibernate under snow. I felt the rush of ice jams breaking as you destroyed our friendship day by day. I felt you frail and shattered, you came to me for help. You said you couldn’t make it on your own anymore. And I’m bound to forget, but maybe I’ll forgive some. You’re nothing I regret, and everything I’ve always never wanted. And I’m bound to forget you made me feel so cold and numb. This song sleeps in the space behind your eyes. These words are bird claws. This woodpecker dawn. This building a bird nest. (The hurrying rush of melt-water.) This laying an egg and searching and eating the seed. This song in the bottom of a well on the new-moon-night of february. The crowded dawn of humans waking. This time stretches as we age. This life pushes into itself. Pulses and thrashes like trees in a blizzard. This song is bird music. This nest of words is a beautiful music. This frost of words collects on your front step. This egg of words. Delivered and waiting in a mailbox. This forest of words and fallen leaves & sleeping birds. Alone, your hollow bones will hibernate under snow. I felt the rush of river water, colder than dead, melting in march. I felt the push of sprouts breaking through dirt and freezing rain as spring returned.
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5. |
Melt of Winter
03:13
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Cold morning, can't get out of bed. Frozen water in the pipes and in my dreams and in my head. Hot shower, toes are numb and red. Frozen water in the lakes and in my veins and I have said, "We will subscribe to magazines as the walls crumble and collide, and censor what we deem obscene." As we hover in shame, our habits to blame, we wait for our names to carry us through the fabric of time, a meaningless line. A point on a graph. Endless mountains of pencil-drawn peaks. Now we've gone and undefined the meaning of existing in time. Last winter we locked ourselves away in our rooms and in our minds. I have a habit of avoiding my problems. I have a habit of avoiding you. That spring thawed us both out, warm bodies and warm hearts. In my dream last night you were perfect. Months of medication later, it turns out that leaving the house can be a good thing.
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6. |
Spring
03:29
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I’ve considered every option.
I’ve walked between the glaciers
as they melt.
I’ve catalogued the spaces.
I’ve centralized my vision
on the spring.
I’ve realized your eyes ease my anxiety
so easily.
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